I have been meaning to reflect about this for the longest time but haven’t found the time or haven’t wanted to because in the back of my mind I knew I had done something wrong.
I fell into the trap of doing-things-for –the-sake-of-doing-things once again. So short story about myself-- before I came to college, my life on paper was fantastic but in actuality it was falling apart. Everyone that supposedly cared were the ones that ended up sucking the life out of me—my health declined among other things and I came to college feeling dry and not wanting to give any part of myself—whether it be my time or my skill to anyone or anything. It was when I inwardly felt dry that I was able to see God—to see how weak I really was. I joined IV randomly. I did not offer anything, but my small group leaders kept pouring into me and every week I would ask myself “WHY? Why do they do things when they get nothing in return?”
Not sure how all of you were brought up, but I was brought up where you do things and get things in return. Exchange? A balanced equation? Call it what you want, but the concept of Jesus just blew my mind. In my head, I know that I cannot balance this equation on my own without Jesus. But I keep wanting to—and with nothing other than WORKS. Because doing things shows to God and to others that you are good and faithful right?
So for those of you that know or don’t know—I was assembling the prayer requests together for the Interpraise program and Sarah asked if anyone wanted to do the program and I’m thinking—well I’m putting together the prayer requests anyways, might as well. The Monday before Interpraise I found myself staying up later than I had stayed up that semester because prayer requests were not given to me on time. My roommate was with me and saw my frustration and the growing bags under my eyes and asked if I was okay. I was like “Can I scream?” And she’s like, “Sure…”
I think I screamed loud enough to scare my apartment-mates and for people living adjacent to me to call the police. In complaint I said, “God, I’m really mad and frustrated right now. I did everything right. I send out notices like 3 weeks in advance. I stretched deadlines but people would send me prayer requests after I PDF-ed the program 11 times. Why are people so irresponsible?!”
Well that’s not verbatim but that’s the gist. I was so frustrated. I felt like I was serving alone which is kind of a scary feeling.
But through reflection, I came across Luke 10:38-42
“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.’ But the Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.’”
I had essentially pulled off a perfect Martha. I was so busy serving and did not sit at the Lord’s feet. I thank God for hitting me over the head with his grace. How many times have I claimed to “do the Lord’s work” without sitting at the Lord’s feet and then complain to God ask Him—“where are your blessings?”
When Jenn and Sarah suggested not to hold Interpraise next semester, my initial feeling was anger. I was just sitting there saying to myself, “Wait, Interpraise went well. It was the best it has ever been. We did so much. I PRAYED!”
However, I did feel a strong desire to slow down and reflect. I feel like God laughs at how immature I am sometimes (or all the time). But God knocks me with grace and says “Wait and sit at my feet.” I’m not sure whether this means not doing Interpraise this semester, but it might. I guess we have to wait.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Learning to be thankful !
During the past few weeks, our church has been doing an activity together called "21 Days of Thanksgiving." It's basically a large chart with categories like: salvation, church, people, nature, material/physical blessings, etc. Each day we take time to fill it out and many people from our congregation have also been posting what their thankful for on an impromptu website: www.thanksgivingdare.com .
Although I really enjoyed the activity, sometimes it was difficult for me to fill out the chart. I couldn't think of what to put down. This really bothered me because I realized that, when it comes to being thankful, I have a lot to learn. It seems strange to say that one can learn to be thankful but this activity has been showing me that learning to notice and be thankful for all God's blessings is a discipline that I can and should cultivate. That being said, I have my work cut out for me. Without realizing it, I've grown up always having a sense of entitlement towards everything-- especially physical comfort. Self-entitlement naturally leads to ingratitude and together these two "gratitude killers" manage to cast everything in a negative light.
On a message about being thankful, our pastor pointed out that, for a Christian, being thankful isn't some kind of virtue-- it should be the natural response to the reality of God's grace. I mean, how could a hopeless, helpless, addicted and selfish sinner like myself respond to Jesus' payment on the cross for my sins and the new life he's purchased for me? With humble and awe-struck gratitude, that's how! Being thankful isn't going above and beyond, it's the least I can do.
This Thanksgiving, it has been such a blessing to go through my daily routine with this attitude of gratitude (kinda catchy huh?). I thank the Lord for all he has done in my life and all the people he has so richly blessed me with. I'm eager to continue learning how to be thankful by noticing and thanking God for his provision everyday!
This Thanksgiving
"Paying attention to those who disagree with us and taking them seriously, even if we're pretty sure we'll still disagree, is part of what it means to be in the body of Christ. It's humbling; it sanctifies." -Abraham PiperI feel like this quote somewhat describes my experience in Unity in Christ so far. Humbling. Yet sanctifying. Because I see how uniquely God uses each ministry and person, I can no longer stick my head up in the sky and say I "understand" God and Christianity. It's hard not to appreciate a space of such diversity and passion.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I sure did. I spent it with people from my church because I didn't go home (Georgia). I was reminded of how amazing it is when a group of people who love Jesus Christ comes together, though individuals may not all know each other well. There is so much LOVE and REALNESS there! And that is what Unity in Christ is all about.
I am so thankful for UiC. Thank you guys for your dedication and prayers. Thank you for being gracious with me and Justin. I thank God that he has placed each one of you, your passions and experiences to this intersection where we can strive to understand God's heart for his people together. God is amazing and he will do AMAZING things here in Berkeley. Do you believe it? Let's continue running the race by continually seeking God on our own and when we come together as a body. Praise God for he is good. Praise God for he is gracious. Praise God for he sustains us. Praise God for who he is, our King, Savior, Friend! He will make his name known, and believe it or not we are part of that amazing process.
<3, Sarah
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This Battle is Not Yours - Yolanda Adams
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Lord's Day
Yesterday our church interceded for our Thanksgiving service, which happened today, and ptL for His provision! Not only were two people saved but there was enough food to feed ~300 people!!! TWICE! Haha it's amazing to see God's work so visibly and it's encouraging to see that even amidst strikes, God is alive.
And ptL for the fact that I remembered to write in this! haha
- Nina Y.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
more?
is uic meant to be more than "the group that puts on interpraise"?
how can uic be a resource to its fellowships?
how can uic be a resource to the berkeley campus?
Lord give sight!
give vision and light!
we wait for You.
Friday, October 30, 2009
My life is a testimony
"Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself? Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed and for living on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the LORD?---
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I."
-Isaiah 58:5-9
I have frequent highs and lows throughout the year; this week was a low. A few unanticipated incidents burst open a cage of emotions and thoughts that I had been avoiding or subconsciously suppressing. God is revealing that, though he is healing me from wounds of the past, there is still much more healing to be done.
This healing is not about "moving on" from a periodic trauma and maintaining a constant sense of joy and containment (though they are parts of the process), but about becoming progressively and wholly pleasing to God in my thoughts, words, and lifestyle, for his glory. Though this so-called 'healing season' in my life has been undeniably fruitful, this week I was reminded that God, though he may heal and sanctify me, never wants me to forget how broken I am in every aspect of my life without him.
Many times this week, I felt so helpless. And as I felt this spirit of despondency creeping into my inner being, my words turned ugly and the so esteemed structure in my lifestyle tweaked until it became noticeable to those around me. But this morning, I feel inspired and driven to get my acts together and trust in God's love for me, for his love is great and TRANSFORMING.
As He picks me up once again, I will seek a continual hunger for Christ. I pray that my hunger will not last "only a day," only a season in my life, but will bear a fruitful, life-long testimony of God's splendor and glory, his great unfailing love for a broken people.
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